The first century Roman poet Ovid told a story in his tenth book of Metamorphoses. A sculptor named Pygmalion sought to create a statue of the ideal woman. The result was so beautiful that he fell desperately in love with his own creation. The goddess Venus answered his prayers by bringing the sculpture to life, and the couple lived happily ever after.
Technical Editor Stu Oltman and I had a rousing good laugh over lunch the other day as we enumerated the many ways we motorcyclists—and particularly we Gold Wingers—demonstrate the Pygmalion Effect as we add do-dads and gizmos to our motorcycles.
In the pursuit of personalization, nearly every Gold Wing we’ve ever encountered, including our own, has been added to or changed from stock. It seems no matter how good the manufacturer has made a motorcycle, we want to modify it a little (or a lot) so that it suits us.
Some of the modifications are purely for cosmetic reasons and, as such, have totally subjective value. If we think extra chrome, lights, pinstriping, flags or a trunk lid spoiler make the bike look better in our eyes, so be it! Our friends, relatives and personal accountant may think we’re one taco short of a combination plate for sinking thousands of dollars’ worth of cosmetics into a machine, knowing we’ll never get back full value at trade-in time, but so what? It’s our machine and our money!
Some modifications are ostensibly for greater comfort. Air deflectors, oversize windshields, replacement saddles, highway boards and passenger armrests fall into this category. Again, who can disagree if we are convinced these items improve our touring comfort? Of course, what suits you may not suit me, and vice versa, so editors and writers like us have a real challenge making objective product comparisons. Bottom line, your bottom line and mine may be shaped differently.
Then there are products said to provide us with useful information. Typical of these are voltmeters, ammeters, thermometers, altimeters, global positioning satellite (GPS) receivers, compasses, and weather channel radios. Don’t you wish somebody would invent devices such as these that would prognosticate the future, not just inform us of the present! After all, what good is it for my fully tricked-out Gold Wing to report that my battery is borderline dead because the alternator failed just before I dipped below sea level where I’m currently marooned on a due south heading at the bottom of Death Valley with a severe thunderstorm headed my way!
Ah, yes, then there are what we might loosely call “performance enhancers.” Was there ever a greater opportunity for self-delusion? Since the dawn of time, homo sapiens have proven our endlessly gullibility in the quest for enhanced performance. The Viagra craze is really nothing new. Since the dawn of time, whether it’s been powdered mandrake root or prescription medicine, we’ve convinced ourselves that whatever we’ve bought is delivering the goods. It’s called the Pygmalion Effect—kind of a reverse of Flip Wilson’s phrase to now read, “What you get is what you see, honey!”
The quest for enhanced performance hasn’t been overlooked by GL1500 owners, keenly aware of the GL1800’s big-bore biceps. The makers and sellers of a variety of gadgets purported to improve the GL1500’s performance promise faster acceleration, greater torque and/or more miles per gallon. And while it is, in fact, possible to eke out a few more foot pounds or horses with some of these devices, rarely are the results commensurate with the cost of the devices (plus the installation), and some threaten undesired side-effects further down the road. But who among us thinks about eventualities while gazing at a gleaming “Super Cybaritic Fuel Mixture Emulsifier” with our red-hot credit card singeing our fingers?
And no sooner than our purchase is installed, the Pygmalion Effect kicks in. Even those of us who’ve never previously wound out the Big Six engine beyond 5500 rpm prior to up-shifting now eagerly boast to our buddies about the kick-in-the-butt power now available from Super Cybaritics. Whatever we just bought is now the ultimate improvement—at least until the next gizmo comes to our attention.
Having Stu around has been an education. One of his college degrees is in marketing, so he has a good deal of insight into how to sell anything, whether it has merit or not. And his years as a motorcycle mechanic and consumer have fine-tuned his skepticism. Over a Philly cheese steak sandwich, he’s likely to quip, “If it can’t be measured on a dyno or in a wind tunnel, I’m dubious.” His mantra isn’t, “Show Me The Money,” it’s “Show Me The Measurements.” And I think his distrust of the Pygmalion Effect is rubbing off on me. These days I can’t hear a personal endorsement commercial (“I tried Creak-itis medicated cream and it’s a miracle!”) without cracking up.
Indeed, the Pygmalion Effect has a way of putting a fella into a compromising position. Now and then, we have an opportunity to ride somebody else’s Gold Wing. Like as not, the owner (who has invested thousands of dollars in chrome-plated lights and gizmos) waits expectantly for our seal of approval. “What’d ya think? Doesn’t she handle like a ballerina?” Thank goodness men don’t ask that kind of question when good manners obliges us to dance with their wives at their daughters’ weddings! In all but a few cases, rides on their “improved-on” machines are underwhelming at best.
But the owners love them, and that’s what counts. Pygmalion proved it.
